Oh NO! You’ve blundered at work! What can you do to own up to your mistake without making things worse? How will you recover your dignity and repair your damaged credibility?
The worst thing to do when you make a mistake is to try to cover it up by offering a flip apology, joking about it, making excuses, running away, or blaming someone or something else.
First, stay calm. The world will not come to an end even though you’ve done something that might hurt your standing at work or harm a personal relationship. You haven’t done anything that everyone else hasn’t done at some time or other. No one is perfect; we’re all constantly making mistakes. Actually, errors (big and small) are learning experiences that can give you important insights about yourself and shed light on how to improve. The worst thing to do when you make a mistake is to try to cover it up by offering a flip apology, joking about it, making excuses, running away, or blaming someone or something else. Admit the error as soon as you’re aware of it and sincerely apologize. Then, ask for an opportunity to clear up the error as best you can. You may be hesitant to admit you were wrong (some view admitting a mistake as the ultimate loss of control), but fessing up to an error is a testament to your character, courage and strength.
If you’ve made a very serious mistake, showing genuine remorse is absolutely necessary. "I’m sorry" is just not enough. Make sure the party knows how badly you feel that you’ve caused harm or suffering and that you stand ready to do whatever is humanly possible to make things better. In cases where there isn’t any way to make amends, all you can do is show your regret, and vow never to repeat the mistake again. Okay now you’ve apologized, but you still feel terrible about what happened. As The Advice Sisters, we’ve frequently been asked, "I did something very harmful to someone else. How can I get over these feelings of guilt, fear and humiliation?" It’s hard to openly admit an error, a lack of judgment, an uncalled-for action, a thoughtless or tasteless remark, disrespectful or illegal behavior, or a poor performance that has caused a negative result. Still, refusing to admit a mistake you truthfully know was yours undermines your integrity and self-respect at a time when your self-esteem and confidence have already been severely shaken.
It may not feel great at the time, but admitting to a mistake and accepting the consequences proves to yourself and those you’ve harmed that you are decent enough to feel terrible about what’s happened, ethical enough to accept the consequences of your actions (intentional or not), and sets the healing process in motion. To start moving forward again, ask yourself, "Why did this happen? What could I have done differently?" Being sincerely apologetic and respectful will undo some of the damage (if it doesn’t happen too often) but ultimately the best damage control is to learn from the mistake and not not repeat it. Once you have apologized and done all you can to rectify the situation, move on with your life. If you feel so devastated about what happened you can’t get past it, make a list of all the good things you’ve done. One mistake (no matter how large) doesn’t wipe out a lifetime of good deeds, thoughts, and actions. Make a special effort to be the best you can be and do something positive to boost your confidence and self-esteem.
Volunteering, being extra-helpful at work, and focusing on friends and family rather than on yourself will help renew positive feelings. If you are on the receiving end of an apology, you are not obligated to accept it, but remember that no one has gone through life without making some errors. The person who made the mistake feels awful already. Holding onto your anger and focusing on the mistake to the point that you lose sight of the other person’s value is hurtful and unprofessional. Instead, agree to base your conclusions on future actions. Someone who continually makes the same mistake, followed by a string of "I’m sorry’s" (but who never learns from his or her actions) is probably someone not worthy of continual forgiveness. Someone who is truly regretful and strives to learn from his or her mistake, is.
The Advice Sisters, Alison Blackman Dunham and Jessica Blackman Freedman are the authors of "Recruiting Love: Using the Business Skills You Have to Find the Love You Want", "Feel Great/Be Great (While You Date)", "The Advice Sisters’ Wedding Q&A from A to Z" and "The Hot Ones" now all available as e-books online at: http://users.rcn.com/adunham/publications.html Visit The Advice Sisters at: http://www.advicesister.com or write them at: advicesis@aol.com